Christmas Karaoke
by Ph33r the island ona
Summary: The Shaman Fight Christmas Party, with karaoke and random Latin phrases! Shaman King style Christmas songs featuring and sung by Drunk!Jeanne, Singing!Hao, Christmas!Ornament!Lyserg, and many more. Co written by OtakuNekoGirl
1. In Which They All Get Drunk

_What: Christmas Karaoke, a fanfiction. Humor, probably no pairings unless my muse stops taking happy drugs and starts making me write something besides humor._

_When: Takes place SOMETIME around the Shaman Fight. AU-ish._

_Why: Because I couldn't wait for Christmas. And it's probably gonna take me AGES to update, so here. I decided not to become a procrastinator for once and actually type this story, which has been in my notebook for about five days._

_Yes, my friend OtakuNekoGirl will be helping me out with song lyrics every once in a while. The song here, though, is almost all mine, except for the first two lines, which come from her. Sorry for the longish-ness, but you know. xD_

_Otakunekogirl: Ahem not only with the lyrics but also with the funny and the story line. _

Re-edit: Hell, what did you do with this part of this story? Re-edit the lyrics? What kind of useless help was that? -re-edits lyrics- Yours was out of tune.

_Anyway hope you enjoy it!_

----

"Remind me again why we're having a Christmas party?" Silva asked cautiously. "Is it really the best idea to have all these shamans here in one place?"

"They survived living in Patch Village together this long, they should be able to stand a simple Christmas party. Besides, this is good for inter-team cooperation, so they can get to know each other before beating each other up."

"But—"

"Anyway, if they manage to kill someone then they'll be disqualified." Apparently thinking that was going to be enough reason to have a Christmas party, Goldva cleared her throat and stepped up to the mike. "Now, I think you all want to know why we summoned you here."

A general murmur of agreement was heard from the crowd.

"You're all here…" she paused dramatically. "You're all here… for the Shaman Fight Christmas party!"

Everyone's jaws dropped simultaneously. The crowd started talking amongst themselves, all of them saying something around the lines of, "THAT'S WHY YOU SUMMONED US HERE?"

Ignoring everyone's whisperings, she plowed on with her explanation. "We're having this event to raise holiday cheer and foster better relations among the teams. There will be food and drinks, as you can see." She pointed over to the tables at the side of the room, piled up with mountains of food and about a dozen punch bowls.

Everyone seemed to brighten up at the mention of food. Who wouldn't want free food? From the Patch, no less. Gradually, their initial hostility melted away and they started taking plates, piling them up with food.

Soon enough, everyone had taken at least a second helping of food and at least one cup of punch. Their moods seemed to change. People started talking to each other, enjoying each others' company. Maybe this really was something for inter-team relationships, after all.

But eventually, you might have spotted something was wrong. One way was simply to look at Iron Maiden Jeanne. She was having her tenth cup of punch; her face was growing redder by the minute and her speech was getting more slurred after each sip. Soon it was easy to see: _The Iron Maiden was drunk, and the punch was spiked._

Another (noticeably) drunk person was Ryu, who was running around, screaming about llamas, while relatively sober people attempted to catch him.

Goldva watched the drunken stupidity unfold. It was all going according to plan. Grinning, she went over to address the crowd again.

"Well," she said. "Now that you're all relatively –drunk-, I think it's safe to announce the main phase of the party."

The sober people were surprised. Main event? There was more to this party than food and spiked punch?"

"The main event…" Goldva paused for the second time that night, annoying the crowd. "The main event is karaoke."

Everyone blinked. It took ten seconds before their survival instincts kicked in, and the sober ones headed for the door en mass. Some people, though (Jeanne and Ryu among them) were simply too drunk to care.

"Did I mention you'll be disqualified if you don't attend?""

Everyone found their urge to kill Goldva increase thousandfold. But slowly, grudgingly, they all went back to their seats.

"Now, any volunteers for first victi—I mean, singer?"

It seemed Jeanne could hold the alcohol no longer. Sounding like a five-year old on sugar high, she screamed, "ME!" and jumped onstage.

Alarmed, the X-Laws tried stopping the Iron Maiden. "But, Jeanne-sama, this means you have to sing!"

"Yesh, I'll be sing—sing—shinging," Jeanne slurred. "And joo will all be here on shtage as.. back—backup shingersh."

"WHAT? But…"

"I SAID GET ON STAGE! NOW!"

Marco shot one last look of despair at the drunk Jeanne. Then, as if resigned to his fate, he grabbed the drink out of a random person's hand and finished it. It was going to be much easier to do this if he was drunk.

Reluctantly, all the X-Laws slouched onstage, including a now-drunk Marco and a red-faced Lyserg. His red face complemented his green hair, giving him a very festive look.

Jeanne smiled as they all got onstage. "Thatza shpirit! Now, are you all here?"" With a look of extreme concentration, she pointed at them, apparently counting the number of X-Laws already on stage.

A moment of silence passed before Lyserg pointed out in a small voice, "I think we're all here, Jeanne-sama."

"Oh?" She looked surprised. "I thought there were only three Marcos and two Lyserg-shaped Christmas Decorations." Jeanne giggled. "Oh, well…"

She spun around to face the crowd. "We will be singing our X-Laws version of 'Joy to the World,'" she explained. "Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8!"

And in a voice surprisingly clear for someone so drunk, she started singing:

_Joy to the world, Hao is dead_

_We barbecued his head_

_Let every shaman_

_Rejoice his death_

_Let Jeanne and the X-Laws sing, _

_Let Jeanne and the X-Laws sing,_

_Let Jeanne, Let Jeanne and the X-Laws sing._

The X-Laws, all looking like they would rather be any place but there, sang the next stanza.

_Jeanne rules the world, with justice and truth,_

_And all the X-Laws too!_

_The glory and the righteousness_

_And really cool white cars_

_And angel Oversouls_

_And all of the glory of Jeanne-sama._

Jeanne finished the song, looking pleased. The X-Laws finished the backup, looking suicidal. And a handful of people clapped halfheartedly, looking confused and pitiful. Lyserg turned an even deeper shade of red, making his likeness to a Christmas ornament even more obvious. Jeanne was about to step offstage when a cold voice remarked, "I am not amused."

Jeanne spun around to find the source of the voice, tripped, and fell off stage. Getting up slowly, she saw who had spoken. "Hao!" she yelled. With another look of concentration, she attempted to form her Oversoul. Needless to say she was not successful.

"Yes, me." Hao said, acknowledging Jeanne's comment with a nod. "I was not amused. Can't the X-Laws sing better Christmas carols than that?"

"You…" Jeanne charged drunkenly at Hao. He stepped out of Jeanne's way, and onstage. Grabbing the microphone, he smirked at Jeanne and said, "This is the proper way to sing a Christmas carol."

---

_Yes, I told you, I would be making a singing!Hao. I already know what song he'll be singing, so there is no point in you asking him to sing something else. There will also be singing!Yoh, drunk!Ren, drunk!Anna, singing!Manta, Christmasornament!Lyserg notdrunk!Tamao, and LilyFive!Singing!Ensemble, to name a few. That is, if I can finish this. Now go review so I won't be sad and stop making this. But if you really want to influence the fanfic, you can suggest a song for singing!Anna and LilyFive!Singing!Ensemble and what to do with ChristmasOrnament!Lyserg. _

_Until later, then. ---Ona_

_You'll enjoy this we have really good ones!--otakunekogirl_

Re-edit: Katrina, I do believe in commas, I do, I do!


	2. In Which a Christmas Ornament Sings

_Ona: Hey! Ona here again. Ona is not sure why she had to credit OtakuNekoGirl, because OtakuNekoGirl writes none of the story, and only does minor help with the lyrics. Ona has to write everything for herself, since she does not trust OtakuNekoGirl's grammar. Ona is aware she is talking in the third person; she does so because it is cool. Yes, Ona is out of her mind and on a sugar high. Please forgive her._

_Otakunekogirl:. You do know I help not that little it's because you're so uptight with the grammar.Why not go on a date with Ren someday that will make you feel better. I did not do only some of the lyrics. Take Lyserg's jingle as an example. You just forgot the damn lyrics and replaced them._

_Ona: Well, duh. I lost the paper I wrote the lyrics down on._

_Disclaimer: Ona does not own Shaman King. She does not really own the lyrics, either, since the lyrics are edited from traditional Christmas songs. Ona got all the Latin phrases off a site called Latin for the Masses, go there. She finds it extremely funny. Songs butchered—I mean, edited— here are _Silent Night, Jingle Bells, Give Love on Christmas Day, Christmas in Our Hearts, and I'll Be Home For Christmas._ The Latin phrases belong to whoever created them on that webpage, _Latin for the Masses_. I mean no harm in editing these songs, do not shoot me. _Ex quocumque facere poteris te sauciabit. (_Anything you do can get you shot) Same is said for Katrina_

--

"This_ is how you sing a Christmas carol."_

As if on cue, three of Hao's minions stepped up to be backup singers. The Hanagumi stood behind Hao, looking bored. Smirking, Hao started his song explanation. "This is an edited version of 'Silent Night,'" he said. "I will be lead singer, with Mari, Matti and Kanna as backup." He started singing.

_Silent night, shamanic night_

_Humans are gone, none in sight_

_Round yon' Hao and spirit of fire_

_Shaman King and his strong empire_

_Hao the shaman is king…_

_Hao the shaman is k—_

"QUEEN!" Jeanne interrupted suddenly.

Hao glared at Jeanne. "I let you finish your song; can't you do the same for me?"

Jeanne stared up at him defiantly. "Your song sucks. You're not a boy. You're a girl. Thus, if you do win the shaman fight, you are QUEEN."

Hao gave her an odd look. "Are you so drunk that you can't tell the difference between girls and boys?"

"Yes I can!" Jeanne protested. "I mean, look at your hair! It's so long. You HAVE to be a girl. And so is that person beside you. Kind of looks like you, too! I also have this picture of you in a princess outfit!"

"Yoh?" Hao looked to his right. No one was there. Then, he looked to his left. Still no one there.

"No, silly!" Jeanne burst into girlish giggles. "He looks EXACTLY like you. With the hair and the weird blanket cape and everything."

"Jeanne-sama, there's no one there," Lyserg said cautiously.

"Huh? What?"

"It's probably just… um… double vision."

"I don't have double vision!" Jeanne protested. "How do you know? You're just a Christmas Ornament."

Lyserg gave an annoyed sigh and stormed off to the punch bowl, still a superb shade of red.

Hao frowned. He'd forgotten the rest of the lyrics to his song. It was time to make another one up, preferably one that insulted Jeanne and all her little minions.

The Hanagumi were obviously tired of being backup singers, and took matters into their own hands. Turning on their microphones, they quickly sang a Christmas jingle.

_Jingle bells, Marco smells,_

_Jeanne laid an egg_

_The X-Laws car lost a wheel _

_And so Lyserg lost his head. Yay!_

Lyserg seemed to have had enough of the insults and Christmas ornament comments. "STOP INSULTING ME!" he yelled. He stormed up on stage, still resembling a Christmas ornament, albeit a very angry one.

Everyone looked surprised Lyserg had stood up to Hao _and_ Jeanne. He would surely be dead by the end of the night.

"AND YOU!" He yelled at the Hanagumi. "What freaking proof do you have with all that? Well you can just take that stupid song, that stupid doll of yours,"--he looked at Mari—"and go BURN IN HELL!"

He seemed to have struck a chord in Mari's brain. She looked straight up at him, sending waves of hate. "Mari does not like it when people call Chuck stupid."

A red-faced Lyserg stared back, reflecting the hate-waves. "I don't care."

Mari snapped. "CHUCK!" She had formed her Oversoul and was getting ready to shoot at Lyserg.

"Morphin!" Lyserg was quick to react, and got ready to defend himself from the deranged doll that looked suspiciously like Manta. They were about to go into all-out war, when someone interrupted. Anna had walked onstage, dragging Yoh along with her.

"If you plan to kill each other, please take it outside," she said calmly. "And you're all terrible at singing. Yoh can do better."

"WHAT!" Yoh protested. "I just heard my name and the word 'singing' in the same sentence! That's not right!"

"Yes, you heard me, you will sing."

"But… but…"

"You will sing if you ever want to see your headphones again."

"What?"

But it was too late. Anna had already stepped offstage, and she had managed to steal Yoh's headphones. She left Yoh on stage, looking confused and desperate.

And so, Yoh cleared his throat and started singing.

_Anna making us_

_Do special training_

_Taking time to torture one by one_

_It's that time of year_

_When the we're all in fear_

_And you have to find a way_

_To hide from Anna everyday._

Clearly desperate, he decided to get straight to the point.

_Why don't you_

_GIVE ME MY HEADPHONES BACK_

…

Yoh continued this strange song for several minutes, before Anna, clearly not amused, came up and whacked him on the head. "You're never getting your headphones back that way," she snarled. And, in an act of pure evil, she threw the headphones as far as she could away from the stage.

"NOOOO!" Yoh yelled and ran off stage. Not really looking where he was going, he crashed into Tamao, who was walking away from a punch bowl. Tamao blushed and ran off into an opposite direction, crashing into Lyserg.

Anna looked at Tamao, concerned. "Is she drunk too?" she asked, stepping down from the stage.

"No," Pirika responded. "I haven't seen her drink any of the punch. But why is she so clumsy now?"

--

Meanwhile, the drunken members of the X-Laws were arguing with the drunken members of Hao's team.

"Our song was so much better than yours!" Kanna argued. "We inshulted you, and your shtupid team! YOU SMELL, MARCO!"

Marco looked angry, and out of random, shouted a phrase in Latin. "_Vescere bracis meis_!" (Eat my shorts.)

"_Fac ut vivas_! (Get a life)" Kanna shouted back angrily. She paused, clearly confused. "Since when did I know Latin?"

"There's something in the punch," Marco answered vaguely. "Latin punch? We'll all probably forget this language when we're sober, anyway."

Kanna agreed. "For now, speak it while you can. _Bibere humanum est, ergo bibamus. _(To drink is human, let us therefore drink). " She picked up her punch glass.

"None of my minions are human! Bad Kanna!" Hao scolded as he took away the drink and set it aflame.

--

Meanwhile, Jeanne was drinking her fifteenth glass of punch. "_Re vera, potas bene_, (Say, you are drinking a lot)" Lyserg said cautiously to her.

Jeanne glared at him. "It's been a while since someone sang. Sing."

"But…" Lyserg protested. "I can't sing! I…"

"SING!" Jeanne yelled. "You are an eggnog—I mean, an X-Law, so get on stage before I drink you—I mean kill you!"

"Huh? What? Fine…"

Lyserg slouched onstage, and randomly created a song.

_Whenever I hear Hao's name_

_I get really, really screwed_

_I remember when he was a child, and he killed my parents_

_Whenever I see people, who are really, really strong,_

_I ask them to be comrades, so we can defeat Hao._

_So let's all kill Hao, for a bright tomorrow_

_And the world is at peace, and we all trust… In Jeanne…_

_SO let's all kill Hao,_

_And have a happy holiday, _

_This season may we never forget, _

_How much we hate that bastard._

_Let us be the ones who kill him_

_As another era starts_

_And may the spirit of killing Hao_

_Be always in our hearts._

Lyserg turned red and ran off stage. Jeanne clapped wildly at the end of the song, clearly amused.

Clearly trying to get away from the world, Lyserg wasn't looking where he was going and bumped into Horohoro, who was also noticeably drunk.

"LYYSSEERRG!" Horo yelled. "Did I ever tell you before, _Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur! (__Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!)"_

"Umm… no?" Lyserg said quickly, and ran away.

Horo frowned, not happy that Lyserg had run away. So, he turned his frustrations to Ren. "SHARK HEAD!" He screamed, whacking Ren on the back of his head.

_"Huh—what? __Non sum pisces_ (I am not a fish!)!" Ren yelled angrily.

Horo looked at him, surprised. "You know Latin? So you're drunk too?"

"What? No, I am not drunk! I haven't even touched the punch!"

"Then what have you been drinking?"

"Milk!"

Horo grabbed the empty milk bottles. "See, these have been spiked too!"

"WHAT?"

"You see, we're all DRUNK! DRUNK, I TELL YOU!"

Horohoro dragged Ren off to the stage, and stopped to grab Chocolove by the neck of his shirt, and dragged him off to the stage.

_We'll be drunk for Christmas_

_You can count on that_

_Please have beer and alcohol_

_And …_

Horo stopped, clearly at a loss for lyrics.

Then…

_And Koropokurus under the tree!_

_Christmas Eve will find me_

_Where the alcohol is_

And Chocolove seized this moment to get his lyrics in:

_I'll become the Shaman King…_

And Ren, clearly annoyed at being dragged onstage to sing, finished it with his line:

_BUT ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS!_

Jeanne clapped as they got offstage. Going up to them, she said, "The X-Laws appreciate those who are good singers. Would you like to join us?"

Ren glared at her. "_Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. _(I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult)."

Jeanne glared at him.

_---_

T3h end of t3h chapter. Review. Flame. Whatever. -ona

and remember to read all our other fics.--otakunekogirl


	3. In Which Anna is Queen

_Hey this is otakunekogirl the girl with frequent artist and writer's block Hope you're enjoying our fic. -Otakunekogirl_

_This chapter is done by Otakunekogirl you might call it her guest chapter, since I've been writing the past two chapters. This chapter has about five million spelling, grammar, and randomness corrections by me, since Otakunekogirl refuses to believe in commas. -Ona_

_--_

"It is not a silly cult! IT IS A RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT FORTHE VICTIMS OF HAO!" Jeanne stopped, struck by a drunken idea. "We would gladly receive a donation from you, Ren! We know you're rich, you can't deny it! A small 1 million dollars won't be that big, I mean to you it's just pocket change, yes? So come on help us, can't you see the poor Marco over there?" She pointed at Marco, who had about the same amount of alcohol as her. "Can't you see Hao's effects on him? Can't you see how crazy Hao made him! Don't you give a damn!"

"No, I do _not_ want to have anything to do with your stupid cult, in any way whatsoever!" Ren turned in the other direction, but as he was about to walk off Jeanne overtook him, knowing exactly what to persuade him to donate.

She then sang,

"_Christmas is coming and no ones getting fat._

_Please put a billion dollars in Marco's hand._

_If you haven't got a billion, a million it will do_

_And if you haven't got a million I'll make Shamashu kiss you"_

Jeanne grinned until she was in a deep red color.

Ren was about to blow his top when Hao jumped from behind them.

"HEY WEIRDO! HEY SHARKUHEAD! WAZZAAAAAAAAAAAAP" Hao said with his tongue out, "How's my favorite pair of Bilbo's hobbits!"

Ren had a confused look on his face and turned back to Jeanne.

"No, I will not. I will not give you a single cent. Not even a nut. I think you are crazy." He then turned to Hao "BOTH OF YOU AMPHIBIANS!"

"Amphibiwabumshmabum… What? Hey Lyserg what did he the shark just say?" Jeanne turned to Hao's direction.

"Eh! I'm not gay or green!" Hao protested. Lyserg was nowhere near Hao.

"Eheheheh… Hey Lysy, since when was your hair long and brown? Eheeheehee. It feels nice to pull." Jeanne was tugging on Hao's hair.

Lyserg tapped Jeanne's shoulder.

"Jeanne-sama, I believe that that's the evil bastard who threatens to kill all human beings and not me, your loyal follower," Lyserg said hopping on one foot.

Jeanne spun around "Oh my GOSH! It's Hao! You evil bastard! Don't you dare touch me, you freak! It's time for you to die, Hao!" She quickly summoned her Oversoul.

"ASTA LA VISTA! Saiyonara! Goodbye! Farewell! Adieu! Au Revoir..."

"Just finish Lys… Hic--I meant Hao already! Send him to—hic… Hell! Hic." Hao screamed out, fighting a bad case of hiccups.

"Huh? Why are there 2 Haos? Oh my GOSH, and the other one is pirated and in Christmas colors!" Jeanne giggled. "Heh, that just looks funny…." She smiled in a dizzy way before fainting.

"Okay all you lowly minions, one of you better sing or it's off with your heads!" Anna the evil overlord was sitting on a human chair made out of Horo Horo and Chocolove.

"Well, what are you lowly minions waiting for! Sing, my bitches, sing or it's the CHAIR for you!" Anna demanded

The remaining conscious X laws started singing.

_Deck the halls with rows of bombs._

_Fra la la la la la la la la_

_Tis the season to be ready._

_Fra la la la la la la la la_

_Take out all your guns and grenades!_

_Fra la la la la la la la la_

_We've got to stock our warehouse up _

_Fra la la la la la la la la_

"I am not amused! Off with your heads! All of you lot! That was the lamest song I've ever heard!" Zenki and Kouki appeared behind the X laws and took them outside.

Screams of girly terror were heard from outside soon after.

"Next—hic-- victim!" Hao hiccupped.

Anna hit him on the head. "Shut up! Where's my eggnog, you freaks! I told you to get me eggnog!."

"I object! No you—hic--didn't!" Hao objected.

"Objection overruled! Now sit before I sentence you to horrible and gruesome torture!"

Meanwhile, Yoh had finally found the love of his life—his headphones.

"Headphones, where have you been all my life! I looked for you in the trash can, but you weren't there, so I looked inside my pants pocket, you weren't there either! Then I looked at Anna's bag and you were there, oh I love you headphones don't ever leave me again!" Yoh was kissing and hugging Opacho who he had mistaken for headphones.

"Waaaaaaaaaa," Opacho cried.

Meanwhile, back in Anna's drunken kingdom…

"Anna here's your eggnog---Whoa!" Tamao tripped over the unconscious Iron Maiden.

All the eggnog spilled on Ren who was sitting beside Pirika. Upon realizing he was covered in eggnog, Ren started yelling.

"MY BEAUTIFUL HAIRDO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PIRIKA! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW NOT TO MESS WITH MY HAIR!" Ren was giving Pirika a very long discussion why it was not nice to mess with his pointy, genetically inherited hair.

"Order in the court, order in the court!" Anna screamed.

Everyone looked at her and then continued with their noise and merrymaking. This made Anna very pissed.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! AND IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE EARLY."

---

_I had to cut it here, because otakunekogirl's taking longer than forvever to come up with the next chapter. Enjoy the drunken randomness. If Otakunekogirl doesn't do chapter four soon, I'm doing it. - ONA_


End file.
